hi baby

i meant to do this much better but so far i cant. am to sad still to do this but i will soon baby. i know u are with me and watching over me but u need to tell me how to make it better. i go to sleep a lot of the nights hoping not to wake up so i am with u then but need to be awake for Luke. what the fuck am i meant to do?? love u and will miss u till i am with u xxx

grief

i am writing this cos i know it is highly unlikely anyone will read it. I have suffered my biggest loss ever recently and do not know how to deal with it. I don't want to worry or upset my family and friends with how i feel but feel i am going crazy not talking about it. My boyfriend died this day 3 weeks ago and nothing has felt the same since. my thought is that i can write here all the stuff that is driving me crazy. dont feel up to it tonight but will start to record all soon, possibly even tomorrow, am not sure as i am taking things day by day. when i do though i think i will be doing so in a letter type way to him. for now good night and i miss u and love u baby xxx

my life 1

how did it get this hard? i ask myself every day why dont i learn from experience instead of repeating the same mistakes time after time?
I'm not a child anymore (though i still feel about 17). i have my own child, who is the reason i live. I am old enough to know better but no....when it comes to relationships i am crap. I see what I do wrong, I curse myself but everytime its the same.
I could be happy, people seem to like me, i have no problem making friends or finding boyfriends but i have sussed it. Once they get to know me i am the most boring person in the world. i even bore me most of the time. I'm sure I'm boring anyone who reads this.
I have just got too settled too soon and always do it ... most of the time i'm led to believe its what "the other half " at the time wants. I cant seem to break the cycle but i really want to.